Never Satisfied: My Weight Loss Journey

When I was a preteen into my mid-twenties, I struggled with appreciating my body. I felt I was too skinny. (I weighed 105-110) and I am 5’5’. Some of my insecurities came from what others thought about me. You know, like boys calling me flat chested and no butt, I look straight up and down in my clothes. Not to mention what I saw on music videos of what the typical sexy black women looked. It sure was not me.

This was me in my early twenties, it looked like I needed to eat something but I was always eating. I had a fast metabolism. I found out later from family that we were all small until we hit about 26 then it all changes.

I did it all to try and gain weight, took water pills, drank Ensure, overate, and did exercises that promised to enhance the butt and chest area. None of it worked, of course. Now I wish I would have embraced those moments because I now find myself on the other end of the spectrum. I have talked about all this before. How I desire to lose weight and the various ways I will manage it. Well, so far, none of it has worked.

This was taken a few weeks ago. I am currently 35 pounds overweight. It seems like a small amount to loose but it’s enough to put me in danger of being pre-diabetic and my cholesterol levels were a little high last time I had blood drawn.

I do not blame it on the process like the walking videos I like or the dancing. It falls on my inability to consistently follow through with the exercise and stay true to a healthy eating regimen. I keep telling myself I have no one else to blame if I get back to my pre-divorce weight. This summer, I was supposed to be sporting pictures of me living my best life in clothes that fit me the way I like. Instead, I have watched the scale slowly progress upward. This time last year, I was around 150 pounds, and now I am 161. Some of it is my metabolism coming to a halt, but a lot of it has to do with my eating choices. Sugar is not my friend. Eating banana nut muffins for breakfast is terrible. Drinking 800 calorie cheesecake drinks is bad, too (They are so darn good, though).

I am going to give myself grace and climb back on the horse and try this again. I am going to be realistic, though, so here is my plan. Drink at least 40 oz of water a day, stop eating when I am full, cut back on desserts, eat half a cookie instead of two large ones and stay away from the calorie crammed drinks. I will exercise. Right now, I am playing pickleball once a week only for an hour, though; I will have to increase that. Twice a week, I will do my walking videos or the treadmill and twice a week, I’ll do 20-minute workouts that focus on my core, glutes, and legs. I am hoping for a lifestyle change this time. It is not just about my physical looks. I want to be healthy as well.

Let the weight loss journey begin again!

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